Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
