goodnight i made you a song goodbye
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
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