Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Randomize
