Can i not drive my cunt home
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
it glows. i had to have it.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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