Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
