You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Me too!
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
