I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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