The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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