I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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