She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
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