it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
