honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
That's when you crack a 10am beer
they need to just BURY HIM!
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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