There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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