I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
