It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
