My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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