Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
