if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
