Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
