Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
