At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
