I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
