I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
