how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
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