eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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