Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
