wat bout pragnant strippers??
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
