my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Randomize
