He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
i wish my penis had a tongue
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
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