In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
