I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Randomize
