Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Randomize
