I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
