everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
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