bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
