Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Randomize
