a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
you made out with another girl for some wings
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
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