her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
