So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Randomize
