It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
