I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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