you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
