Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Randomize
