Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
