somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Found the puke drawer
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
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