I accidentally had phone sex last night
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
