I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Randomize
