You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Randomize
