I feel like abortions should bother me more
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
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