im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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