Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Randomize
