My brain says no but my pants say off.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
