I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
