My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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