he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Come on in and take your pants off
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