You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
